Amazing Advanced Algebra Adventures
by WingStar1
Summary: Put me in an advanced algebra class for an hour and a half, and this is what you get... Me, Legolas, Alanna, Snape, and a talking donkey all go on an adventure...
1. Chapter 1

1 Amazing Advanced Algebra Adventures  
  
By, Wingstar  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Stephanie and the Narrator. Legolas was created by J.R.R. Tolkien. Alanna by the queen of writing, Tamora Pierce. Snape by J.K. Rowling. The donkey from Dreamworks. Morwen from Patricia C. Wrede. No suing!  
  
A/N: Just something to get past my writer's block. That, and I was extremely bored. Please R/R!  
  
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1.1 Chapter 1  
  
Narrator: We begin our bizarre adventure in the school of a young teenager named Stephanie. She is currently being bored out of her mind listening to her advanced algebra teacher go on and on and on and on and on and –  
  
Stephanie: Ok, we get the point! It was boring! Let's continue this story please!  
  
Narrator: As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, ahem ~glares at Stephanie~ she was extremely bored. Unfortunately, no one knows exactly what happens when she gets bored. All we know is that strange things start to happen…  
  
(Fades to picture of classroom full of bored students. Suddenly, the classroom begins to shake. A loud popping is heard, and the shaking stops. The students look at each other, confused. Mrs. Scott doesn't seem to notice what is going on.)  
  
Mrs. Scott (in a droning voice): Now, let's look at page 68, example 4. x + 7 = 35, so what does x equal? ~looks up at students~ now, why do you have your desks all tipped over? And why aren't you –  
  
(She is cut off as the heroes of the day surrounded her, pointing arrows right at her throat.)  
  
Stephanie: Now, wait a minute… you can't be… Alanna? And… Legolas?! What the…  
  
(Legolas tosses his gorgeous blond hair out of his eyes, and smiles as every girl in the class begins to drool.)  
  
Alanna: She must be the one. Grab her and let's go. Just leave a few guards to take care of this lot.  
  
Stephanie: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you talking about?? What's going on he-  
  
(She is cut off as a tall man with long black hair and robes grabs her and covers her mouth. She is taken to a building not too far away.)  
  
Alanna: You are going to tell us why you are here. You seem to be the only one who knows what's going on, so spill it – NOW!  
  
Legolas: Calm down, sweetie. We don't know for sure that she knows what's going on.  
  
Alanna: Then how did she know who we were?  
  
Legolas: I don't know, ask her, not me.  
  
(Stephanie is gazing helplessly at an extremely hot Legolas and Alanna smacks her across the face.)  
  
Alanna: Stop that! He's my man!  
  
Stephanie: What happened to George? I thought he was your man. And how did-  
  
Alanna: Silence! I will ask the questions here!  
  
Stephanie: Ok, I'm sorry, but I just want to know where I am. Will you please tell me that much?  
  
Legolas: You don't know where you are? But your house fell and crushed Morwen!  
  
Stephanie: Morwen… but she's… All right! That's it! Somebody had better start explaining why the stories are mixed up. Because you ~points at Legolas~ belong in the Lord of the Rings with Frodo and Aragorn and those guys. And you ~points at Alanna~ belong in the Song of the Lioness with George and… the rest of Tortall! And I know I saw Severus Snape before and he belongs in Harry Potter with… well… Harry Potter! And, Morwen goes with Cimorene and Mendenbar in the Enchanted Forest. What is going on?  
  
(Everyone in the room stares blankly at her. At the door, a smart-aleck donkey starts talking)  
  
Stephanie: I'm not even gonna get into how wrong THAT is.  
  
Alanna: How wrong what is?  
  
Stephanie: Nevermind, that isn't really important. What's important is finding out why I'm here.  
  
Legolas: Well, that's easy enough to answer, now that I've figured out who you are. It's you.  
  
Stephanie: ~stares blankly~ Huh?  
  
Legolas: You don't know it, but you are just an image of yourself. The real you is still sitting bored in your boring classroom, dreaming up crazy ideas to pass the time. So… right now, we are completely at your mercy. Am I right? ~looks at the sky, talking seemingly to himself~  
  
Narrator: That's right. I knew I'd make you a smart one. And yanno what else? You better be nice to my little image, or else!  
  
Alanna: Or else what? ~twists Stephanie's arm painfully~  
  
Narrator: Or else this.  
  
(Alanna suddenly turns around and walks over to the donkey and begins seriously making out with him. After a few hilarious minutes, her lover speaks up.)  
  
Legolas: Ok, I think she's probably had enough, she won't try it again.  
  
Narrator: Fine, ruin my fun ~releases Alanna from her predicament~  
  
Alanna: ~gasp~ never ~gasp~ do that ~gasp~ again! That was disgusting!  
  
Narrator: Well, then, I hope you've learned your lesson. No more.  
  
Alanna: ~Nods vigorously~ You don't have to worry about me!  
  
Narrator: Now, you're going on an adventure. The object of this adventure shall be revealed to you later. For now, just pack up your mandatory adventure items and get ready, this is going to be fun! ~muahahahahaha~ 


	2. Chapter 2

1 Amazing Advanced Algebra Adventures  
  
By, WingStar  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Stephanie and the Narrator. Legolas was created by J.R.R. Tolkien. Alanna by the queen of writing, Tamora Pierce. Snape by J.K. Rowling. The donkey from Dreamworks. The Popples from American Greeting Cards and Mattel. The Ninja Turtles from Mirage Studios. I don't even own the donkey's name!  
  
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Chapter 2  
  
(Our heroes, after getting their packs together, step outside the door, awaiting their instructions)  
  
Narrator: What are you waiting for?  
  
Stephanie: Uh, you. It's kinda hard to go on an adventure when you don't know what we are trying to accomplish. You should know that, being as you are the friggin narrator!  
  
Narrator: Hey, watch it. I own you. Would you like me to demonstrate?  
  
Stephanie: ~opens mouth then remembers Alanna~ Uh… no, I guess not.  
  
Narrator: Ok then, your quest is to find the Holy Grail.  
  
Legolas, Alanna, & Snape: The what???  
  
Narrator: The HHHOHOYHoghlafdshjflsdhfjasdhuifsdhuohoiouhfjagfgsdaffdgjffjfsdfsdfsdfsdapoi JLKJKLKNkkffsddgsgdf Holy Grail. Honestly, don't you people read? It's that… thing… yanno? Well, I don't know exactly what it is, but everybody seems to be sending characters on quests for it, so it must be pretty nifty. So, you are going to find it for me.  
  
Stephanie: Let me get this straight. You brought us here to go on a quest after something, and you don't even know what it is?!  
  
Narrator (in a big scary voice): Do you dare question me?  
  
(They all cower in terror and shake their heads vigorously.)  
  
Narrator: Good, now go!  
  
(So, Stephanie, Legolas, Alanna, Snape, and the talking donkey begin walking along the path with bright clear skies. Suddenly, dark looming clouds fill the sky and thunder can be heard overhead.)  
  
Legolas: Where did those clouds come from? Maybe we should find a place to stop.  
  
Stephanie: This is a fantasy story, there is no reason for the clouds except it's going to rain. It's going to rain for many days as a matter of fact. But don't worry, everything we have, including our blankets is waterproof and the water won't do anything but cause a nuisance when we try to cook, but Snape here can make a fire, so we should be okay.  
  
Snape: How did you know that?  
  
Stephanie: Don't ask, the answer is a loooooong story, and I don't want to get into it right now.  
  
Donkey: I don't like the rain. The rain makes me wet. I don't like being wet, cuz then I get cold. I don't like being cold, cuz then I shiver. I don't like –  
  
Alanna: Ok, we get it! Nobody here likes the rain, so get over it! Geez, donkey!  
  
Donkey: Donkey? I'm sick of people calling me that! I have a name yanno.  
  
Stephanie: You do? What is it?  
  
Donkey: Gaylord Focker.  
  
(They all try to stifle their giggles, but one by one they lose the battle and there is a chorus of full-fledged laughter.)  
  
Gaylord: What? What's so funny? There is nothing funny about my name!  
  
Alanna: ~gains her composure~ Quite right, we will call you Gaylord for ~giggle~ short ~goes into fit of uncontrollable laughter~  
  
Gaylord: Fine, if you are going to get like this when you say my name, just call me Donkey!  
  
(They all stop laughing shortly after and begin walking again. The rain begins. After a few hours, they decide to find shelter for the night. The group comes across a sewer and climbs down.)  
  
Snape: What was that noise?  
  
Stephanie: What noise? I didn't hear anything.  
  
Legolas: Sssshhhhhh! Be quiet.  
  
(The faint sound of people laughing echoes down the walls of the sewer.)  
  
Legolas: ~draws his bow~ Let's go check it out.  
  
Alanna: ~draws her sword~ Wait a minute, who says you get to be the leader? I'm the knight here, I want to lead.  
  
Legolas: YOU are a knight? But you're puny. And you're a girl! Girls cannot be warriors. Girls are weak.  
  
(Stephanie and Snape look at each other and roll their eyes as the two warriors begin fighting over who is the strongest.)  
  
Stephanie: Are you coming or what?  
  
(Legolas and Alanna look up, surprised as Snape and Stephanie take the lead.)  
  
Snape: Honestly, I thought you two were lovers. How could you NOT know that she was a knight?  
  
Legolas: ~looks confused~ I don't know. (to Alanna) Whey didn't you ever tell me?  
  
Alanna: You never asked.  
  
Legolas: Fair enough.  
  
(They walk on in near silence, except for the donkey, who is muttering himself about the putrid smells of the sewer. Finally, they reach the source of the noise.)  
  
Stephanie: Oh my goodness… now this is just messed up! It's…  
  
(Yes folks, it is the Ninja Turtles having a "fight". They are throwing Popples at one another.)  
  
Stephanie: Hold it right there! Are you kidding me? Ninja Turtles? POPPLES?! ~stares at ceiling of sewer~  
  
Narrator: Ok, ok, sorry. That was for Brandy. If you like, I can send you back to the start of the sewer.  
  
All: YES!  
  
Narrator: Mmmkay!  
  
(The group is sent back to the start of the sewer with one small addition.)  
  
Stephanie: Hey! What is this furry thing doing here? What's the big idea?  
  
Narrator: I've decided that you need a new companion. She is going to follow you around wherever you go whether you like it or not, and you have to watch her. Have fun! ~muahahahahaha~  
  
Snape: ~grumbles~ I could grow to hate that laugh.  
  
(The group decides that they have had enough of the sewer and they climb out, deciding to sleep in the middle of the rainstorm. But they are not bothered by it, because… why? That's right. Because this is a fantasy story, and people are not bothered by rain in fantasy stories.)  
  
Stephanie: ~waking up~ I wonder what today will bring us. ~shudders~  
  
Narrator: Hehehehehehehehe… 


	3. Chapter 3

1 Amazing Advanced Algebra Adventures  
  
By, WingStar  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Stephanie and the Narrator. Legolas was created by J.R.R. Tolkien. Alanna by the queen of writing, Tamora Pierce. Snape by J.K. Rowling. The donkey from Dreamworks. The Popple from American Greeting Cards and Mattel. No suing!  
  
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Chapter 3  
  
(All of our heroes wake up to an unpleasant surprise)  
  
Alanna: What happened to all of our food? I made sure that we packed enough for at least a few days. ~looks accusingly at Donkey~ Do YOU know what happened?  
  
Donkey: ~looks innocent~ I didn't do anything. I slept all night long cuz I was tired and when I get tired, I sleep longer than you've ever seen. There was this time –  
  
Stephanie: Nevermind that, I think I just figured out what happened to the food ~pulls top off of bedroll to reveal a popple with food pouches surrounding her~  
  
Snape: What? That little furball ate all our food? Now, what are we going to do? I'm starving! That little monster is going to pay for that ~gets out wand and steps closer to the popple~  
  
Stephanie: NO!!! ~runs over to protect the little creature~ Leave her alone!  
  
Popple: Hehehehehehehehe! ~jumps away from Stephanie and climbs up on Legolas's shoulders and points to his ears~ Pointy ears! Pointy ears! Hehehehehe!  
  
Legolas: Argh! There is nothing wrong with my ears! I am an ELF! Elves are supposed to have pointy ears! They are perfectly normal! Why doesn't anybody see that???? Get away from me, you little beast! ~reaches up and picks up the popple and throws her to the ground~  
  
(The popple runs around them at impossible speed and they all chase after her. Finally, Stephanie gets tired of it.)  
  
Stephanie: Ack! This is getting ridiculous! We cant look for the Holy Grail and watch this little demon at the same time! ~looks at the sky~ Is this your idea of a joke? Are you having fun at our expense here?  
  
Narrator: ~laughs mercilessly~ Yep! ~sees her characters' suffering faces~ Is it really that bad?  
  
All: Yes!  
  
Narrator: Ok, fine, I'll get rid of her for you. Besides, I've found another human companion for you…  
  
(The popple disappears and in her place is an impossibly tall guy with brown hair. Legolas doesn't seem to notice him, because he is still pouting over the popple's reaction to his ears.)  
  
Stephanie: ~screams~ Bob! What… how did… I don't know how you got here, but I'm glad you did. You don't know how great it is to see somebody I know!  
  
Bob: Huh? What's going on? I was in robotics and suddenly I ended up here. And is that… Legolas? And… Alanna?!  
  
Legolas: ~sniff~ She made fun of my ears. ~whimper~ Are they really that bad?  
  
Narrator: Of course not… They are the sexiest ears I've ever seen. You are a very good-looking elf there, Legolas.  
  
Legolas: ~looks slightly embarrassed~ Really? You think so?  
  
Narrator: Oooooh yeah.  
  
Alanna: Hey! As I told your stupid little image, he's MY man! So, get your own guy!  
  
Narrator: Oh, he's your man huh? Are you threatening me? Do you know what happens to people who threaten me?  
  
(Legolas walks over to Stephanie, and to Alanna's horror, they begin kissing.)  
  
Alanna: Noooooo! He's MINE!!!! Get your grubby hands off him! ~cries~  
  
Bob: Wait! Make them stop! I'm sure Stephanie doesn't like that! Leave her alone!  
  
Stephanie: ~pulls away briefly from Legolas~ Speak for yourself! This is – like – wowies! ~goes back to kissing the extremely hot elf~  
  
Narrator: Ack! I can't take this anymore! I just can't be content having my little image kissing him while I can't have him in real life. I'm sorry, you are just going to have to give him up.  
  
Stephanie (in horror): Noooooo! Please, I'll do anything! Just don't take him away from me!  
  
Narrator: Sorry. But I hope you learned your lesson, Alanna… AGAIN! Now stop annoying me, or things will get much worse. And that is a promise.  
  
Alanna: ~gulp~ I swear, it will never happen again. That was torture. It was even worse than making out with him. ~points at Donkey~  
  
Donkey: Hey, it wasn't exactly a picnic from this side either! ~shudders~  
  
Snape: Ok then, now that she has learned her lesson for the chapter, and he is once again secure about his big ears –  
  
Legolas: How many times do I have to tell you? They are pointy, not big, POINTY! Get it right.  
  
Snape: Whatever! But am I the only one who wants to know who this boy is?  
  
Stephanie: Well… he's my buddy. I talk to him and, like, he's in chess club with me and stuff.  
  
Alanna: There is a club for chess? Really? Wow, you guys must be the most popular people in your school, if you made it into the club of chess. That's a very difficult game.  
  
Stephanie: Yeah… um… whatever you say… Anyway, he's my friend, so you had better treat him nice, Alanna.  
  
Alanna: ~sneers~ Well, I don't have much of a choice, now do I? Unless I want to see you kissing my man again. Which better never happen, by the way.  
  
Legolas: Will you stop calling me your man? If anything, you are MY girl! You make me sound like some kind of wimp.  
  
Alanna: Well, I wasn't the one who was crying over my ears back there, now was I?  
  
Legolas: ~mutters to self~ Leave me alone.  
  
Donkey: Hey, hey, hey! Let's stop the fighting here, we need to work together to find that holy thing. ~sings~ But ya gotta have friends…  
  
Snape: Ok, that's enough, no more singing. But Donkey-brain here has a point. We need to get looking for the Holy Grail soon, because I want to get out of this story. There are a million other fanfics that involve me getting it on with Hermione and Harry and even that Weasly boy… not that I enjoy them at all ~gets red face at the disgusted looks on the heroes' faces~ But they at least have better plot lines than this… Well, some of them do… Ok, fine, most of them don't… I'm going over there now.  
  
Bob: Ooooook then. How's about somebody tells me what the heck is going on here? All I can tell is that we are looking for the Holy Grail and I shouldn't piss off that voice that comes from seemingly nowhere.  
  
Stephanie: Well Bob, it's kind of complicated.  
  
Alanna: What's so complicated about it? We were all pulled out of our daily lives to do the bidding of that nasty narrator –  
  
Narrator: WHAT did you say about me?!  
  
Alanna: Fine, fine. We were pulled out of our daily lives to do the bidding of that wonderful and beautiful narrator ~looks at sky~ Happy now?  
  
Narrator: Quite. Continue.  
  
Alanna: Anyway, Stephanie here is just an image of herself, so I suppose the narrator is the real-life Stephanie stuck in Advanced Algebra. And, she has decided that we are going on a search for the Holy Grail, even though she doesn't know exactly what it is. Yesterday, we ran across some Ninja Turtles throwing Popples at one another, which was ridiculous, by the way, and we ended up with our own little popple. She was driving us insane, so the narrator gave a random act of mercy and got rid of her, and in her place was you. Oh, by the way, I'm Alanna, this is Legolas, Donkey, and Severus Snape.  
  
Bob: Yeah, I kind of guessed that. And that whole thing doesn't surprise me in the least, Mrs. Scott can drive even the nicest of people to want to torture poor defenseless characters. Although, I would hardly call Stephanie nice.  
  
Stephanie: Hello! I am standing right here!  
  
Bob: Oops! Sorry bout that, I kind of forgot.  
  
Stephanie: Grrrr. Isn't that just like a guy?  
  
Snape and Legolas: Hey!  
  
Stephanie: Whatever. Let's just get on with this search. I want to get out of here too. Although, not for the same reasons as Snape…  
  
Snape: That is going to be thrown in my face the whole journey, isn't it?  
  
All but Snape: Yes.  
  
Narrator: Will you people stop just standing there talking? The Holy Grail isn't going to find itself. So, chop chop! Let's get to moving!  
  
(All the heroes mumble to themselves about what they would do if they ever got a hold of the narrator alone, and begin to pack up their things again.)  
  
Legolas: Hey, what about the food problem? We sort of forgot about that minor detail.  
  
Stephanie: Oh, don't worry, like I said before, this is a fantasy story. There is bound to be animals around somewhere that we can easily catch and cook. And if there isn't, then we will certainly find an abandoned cottage full of food that we can use. It's just the way things are.  
  
(So, the problems solved, the group once again resumes it's quest for the Holy Grail, whatever that is.) 


	4. Chapter 4

1 Amazing Advanced Algebra Adventures  
  
By, WingStar  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Stephanie and the Narrator. Legolas was created by J.R.R. Tolkien. Alanna by the queen of writing, Tamora Pierce. Snape by J.K. Rowling. The donkey from Dreamworks. No suing!  
  
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Chapter 4  
  
(Our heroes have once again started their search for the Holy Grail. Amazingly, they cover some serious ground quite uneventfully. Then, of course, the problems begin.)  
  
Alanna: ~whirls around to look at Stephanie~ Would you stop breathing so loud???  
  
Stephanie (defensive): What do you want me to do, stop breathing and fall down dead? No, wait, don't answer that question, I know what the answer is… But anyway, what do you expect? I mean, we can't all be knights like you, in perfect shape. It just so happens that I am not athletic in the least, so get over it!  
  
Alanna: ~whines~ But its annoying me! Legolas, make her stop!  
  
Legolas: I'm not going anywhere near her and risking the wrath of that narrator. Honestly Alanna, haven't you learned anything from your punishments?  
  
Alanna: ~pouts~ Fine, be that way, I'll just suffer. ~looks at the sky~ Are you happy now?  
  
Narrator: You know what? You actually gave me an idea.  
  
(Suddenly, Stephanie gets thinner and grows more muscles. Her hair gets un- frizzed, and she can see perfectly without her glasses.)  
  
Stephanie: Wowies! I'm… awesome! Thanks!  
  
Narrator: No problem, little image. I don't know why I never thought of that before. Thanks Alanna!  
  
Alanna (shocked): Um… yeah… no problem. Hey, you think you could do that to me? I've always wanted to be taller.  
  
Narrator: Sorry, but no. You, Legolas, Snape, and Donkey there are my favorite characters. To change you would mean that you were someone else and I just couldn't do that. That, and you've made me mad one too many times during this journey… Besides, Legolas definitely doesn't need any help; he's perfect the way he is.  
  
Legolas: ~grins~ Yes, well, we can't all look as good as me you know… It's not as easy as it seems.  
  
Alanna: ~smacks Legolas upside the head~ Are you saying that I'm ugly?  
  
Legolas: No, not at all. I'm just saying that, well, compared to me…  
  
Alanna (outraged): How dare you? You self-centered PIG!  
  
Narrator: As much as I hate to agree with Alanna, that WAS a bit over the edge.  
  
Legolas: ~looks sheepish~ Sorry. I just can't help myself. You try being as good as me!  
  
Narrator: I wish. Anyway, I just remembered that I have found yet another person to send along with you. Sorry, Bob, but what girl doesn't need her best friend on a quest for the Holy Grail?  
  
Bob: No, NO! Anything but that! Please don't do this to me! I HATE that girl!  
  
Stephanie: Get over it. ~to the narrator~ Are you really going to send her here?  
  
Narrator: It's being done as we speak.  
  
(The ground before them shimmers, and there stands none other than Kerstin.)  
  
Stephanie: Oh my god! Thanks, Narrator!  
  
Narrator: Once again, no problemo. Anything for my little image.  
  
Kerstin: What the heck is going on here? Is that… oh my god! Stephanie? No way! But you look… different, and… better than me!!! What happened?  
  
Stephanie: Well, THIS time ~glares at Alanna~ it's a long story. You see-  
  
Kerstin: What the heck is Bob doing here?! Grossness, chess club nerd!  
  
Bob: Believe me, I'm none too happy about being stuck here with a self- centered ditz like you. I swear, you and Legolas would be perfect for each other!  
  
Alanna: Watch it! He's MY m-  
  
Legolas: Don't you dare say it! I am NOT your man! So stop it already, will you?  
  
Alanna: Oh shove it, ya big eared freak!  
  
Legolas: What did you just call me?! MY EARS ARE POINTY! And if one more person says anything about my ears, I'll…  
  
Snape: You'll what?  
  
Legolas: I'll do something so bad, that I don't even know what it is yet!  
  
Alanna: Ooh, good comeback! Really, you need to work on your insult skills in your spare time.  
  
Legolas: I am an elf! Elves aren't supposed to have to get into insult matches with head-cases like you!  
  
Snape: Who are you calling a head-case?  
  
Legolas: Alanna.  
  
Snape: Oh, carry on then.  
  
Legolas: And furthermore-  
  
Donkey (waking up after having fallen asleep): What's going on here? Are you guys fighting again? I thought that you loved each other or something. So, why are you always fighting? Fighting isn't good, you know. You can make more friends by being-  
  
Stephanie: Once again, we get the point. But he is right you guys, you need to stop fighting so I can tell Kerstin what is going on.  
  
Alanna and Legolas: ~grumble~ Fine, get on with it.  
  
Stephanie: We are stuck here in this story, because the narrator, who is actually me in real life, wants us to find the Holy Grail for her. Nobody knows exactly what the Holy Grail is, but we are going to find it anyway. This is Alanna, Legolas, Snape, and Donkey. You probably have no idea who any of them are, but that's ok. Anyway, yesterday, we ran across some Ninja Turtles and some Popples, and some weird things happened, ultimately resulting in the loss of our food and Bob being here. And then, the narrator saw it fit to bring you here, so here you are. She is quite powerful in this story, so I wouldn't go making her mad.  
  
Alanna: You got that right. ~shudders at the memories of her punishments~  
  
Kerstin: So, let me get this straight, I'm stuck here with you, Bob, three people I don't know, and a talking donkey, and we are all looking for something that none of us could identify even if we found it, and there is nothing I can do about it?  
  
Stephanie: That's about the gist of it. Having fun yet?  
  
Kerstin: I don't believe this, I seriously must be dreaming. Please tell me that I'm dreaming.  
  
Bob: You aren't dreaming, although you will probably wish that you were more than once before this journey is over.  
  
Kerstin: Don't talk to me, you chess club nerd.  
  
Bob: Self-centered ditz!  
  
Stephanie: Don't even think about fighting again! I've had enough of that for one day. Between you and Bob, and me and Alanna, and Alanna and Legolas, there is far too much fighting going on here.  
  
Snape: That is very true, and the next person who starts an argument gets a charm so that they can't talk.  
  
Alanna: Can he actually do that?  
  
Stephanie: Unfortunately, yes, he can. He's quite the powerful wizard.  
  
Alanna: Not nearly as powerful as me!  
  
Snape: ~pulls out wand~ I warned you, Alanna. ~waves wand and says word that no one can understand~  
  
(Alanna tries in vain to make words come out of her mouth, but to no avail, as Snape has put the no-talking charm on her.)  
  
Everyone Else: THANK YOU!  
  
Snape: You're welcome.  
  
(So, our heroes, once again start searching for the Holy Grail. Only this time, it is much more peaceful, because they don't have to put up with Alanna talking constantly and annoying people.)  
  
  
  
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A/N: Sorry it took longer to put up this chapter, but I usually write it during Adv. Algebra and since we had a snow day and the weekend, I haven't really had the chance. But, in any case, here it is, so now that you've read it, please review! 


	5. Chapter 5

Amazing Advanced Algebra Adventures  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Stephanie and the Narrator. Legolas was created by J.R.R. Tolkien. Alanna by the queen of writing, Tamora Pierce. Snape by J.K. Rowling. The donkey from Dreamworks. No suing!  
  
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Chapter 5  
  
(Our heroes are now walking in blessed silence, being as Alanna has been shut up by the wonderful Severus Snape. Amazingly, they cover more ground than before, probably due to the fact that no more arguments were started along the way. However, of course, being as this is a fantasy story, the happiness cannot last forever, otherwise it would be boring. So, as they step out of the forest they were walking through, they are faced with an interesting problem.)  
  
Kerstin: Does something seem strange to you guys?  
  
Snape: What? You mean besides the fact that we were dragged here against our will to search for an object that we will probably never find, due to the fact that we don't even know what it IS?!  
  
Kerstin: Yes, other than that.  
  
Snape: Well, yes, now that you mention it. There is something strange around here. What do you think Alanna?  
  
(Alanna struggles to make sound come out of her mouth and glares at him as he smirks.)  
  
Snape: Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have forgotten that you can't talk. ~laughs wickedly~  
  
Legolas: You know, she has been like that for hours, maybe you should let her talk. It couldn't hurt.  
  
Stephanie: Yeah. I mean, how would you like it if somebody just decided that you couldn't talk?  
  
Snape: Well, it's her own fault you know. If she hadn't been arguing...  
  
Stephanie: Yes, we know, we know. But could you just lift the charm, please.  
  
Snape: Very well. ~waves wand in front of Alanna~  
  
Alanna (shouting): I swear, if you EVER do something like that to me again, I will personally tear you limb from limb, all of you! I am a knight you know! I can do that! Just you wait and see. When you are least expecting it, I will be there, and you are going to get it! Nobody does that to the Lioness! And-  
  
Donkey: She talks more than me! Can someone PLEASE shut her up?  
  
Stephanie: For real!  
  
Snape: With pleasure. ~waves wand again~  
  
(Suddenly, Alanna's voice stops working again and she lunges for Snape. Legolas with his lightning-fast reflexes, grabs her by the arms and doesn't let go, even as she is struggling.)  
  
Legolas: None of that, it isn't his fault that you can't learn not to yell at everyone. I swear, you really need to control your temper. Have you ever considered anger management classes?  
  
(Alanna turns her head and glares at Legolas with a silent hiss. Just then, two groups of people run straight for each other in front of our heroes. One group consists of girls led by Amanda from Advanced Algebra. The other group is guys led by Niraj from the same class. It seemed that they had finally driven each other insane back in the classroom and now they were in the middle of an all out war, complete with camouflage and squirt guns.)  
  
Bob: ~looks at sky~ Squirt guns?  
  
Narrator: Well of course! You didn't actually think I was going to let them kill each other, did you?  
  
Bob: Well, that would be more interesting than what has happened so far. There seems to be missing a lot of action and killing for a fantasy story. Nobody has even gotten hurt yet!  
  
Stephanie: You WANT people to die??? I swear, you are a bloody-minded savage!  
  
Bob: Thank you.  
  
Narrator: Anyway, yes, they have squirt guns, because there will be no bloodshed in my stories. Well, I may have to make an exception in Alanna's case, because if she makes me mad one more time... Well, lets just say that it won't be pretty. Now stop bothering me! I have a story to write you know!  
  
Kerstin: Oh yeah, I'm sure it's so very tiring to be writing a story where you mess with our lives!  
  
Narrator: See? At least SOMEONE agrees with me!  
  
Kerstin: I was being sarcastic.  
  
Narrator: Whatever. Just for that, I'm not going to help you!  
  
Bob: Good going, Kerstin!  
  
Kerstin: Shut up nerd!  
  
Bob: Ditz!  
  
Stephanie: Stop it! NO MORE FIGHTING! It's bad enough that we are stuck here, but do you really have to make it worse by fighting through the whole thing? Besides, in case you haven't noticed, there is a war going on here, and I, for one, want to stop it before someone actually does get hurt. (to the fighters) HEY! WOULD YOU GUYS STOP IT?!  
  
Amanda: What are you guys doing here? I thought you left.  
  
Niraj: Yes, and why are you interrupting me beating these girls?  
  
Amanda: You wish!  
  
Niraj: I don't have to wish, because it's true!  
  
Stephanie: Guys, guys, calm down. We were sent a mission by the narrator of this story, who is actually me in real life. ~sees confused looks on their faces~ It's a long story. Anyway, I was wondering if any of you had any idea where to find the Holy Grail, because we are supposed to be looking for it.  
  
Amanda: What's that?  
  
Niraj: You mean you don't even know what the Holy Grail is? It's-  
  
Amanda: What are you trying to say? That you are smarter than me? I don't think so! Girls, attack!  
  
Stephanie: ~shakes head~ I guess we aren't going to get any information out of them, let's just leave them to their war and continue our search by ourselves.  
  
(Alanna waves her arms frantically, trying to get their attention.)  
  
Donkey: Um... Alanna looks like she has something to say. Maybe you should let her talk for a minute. It might be important.  
  
Snape: Do I have to?  
  
Stephanie: Yeah, you probably should.  
  
Snape: Fine. ~once again pulls out wand and waves it in front of Alanna~  
  
Alanna: Finally!  
  
Legolas: What did you want to tell us?  
  
Alanna: Nothing, I just desperately wanted to talk again. I mean, you try not being able to talk for hours on end!  
  
Bob: Wait a minute, you mean you didn't even want to tell us anything besides you want to talk again?  
  
Alanna: Pretty much.  
  
Snape: Shall I put the charm on her again?  
  
Legolas: Hey, she isn't shouting, let her talk for awhile.  
  
Kerstin: Ok, there is something that is bothering me about this whole thing. We have been traveling all day, and as far as we know, we could be getting farther from our destination than when we started! Doesn't that bother anyone else?  
  
Stephanie: Yeah ~looks at sky~ Aren't you even going to give us a hint as to where to go?  
  
Narrator: Do you really think I am going to let you go off in the wrong direction?! As I have told you before, this is a fantasy story, and in fantasy stories, the main character never goes in the wrong direction. Don't worry, you are going the right way. At least, I think you are...  
  
Bob: What do you mean, you think?  
  
Narrator: Well, I don't exactly know what it is, so I can't be quite sure exactly where it is.  
  
Alanna: You are the narrator! You could say that it is right in front of us and it would be so!  
  
Narrator: Now where is the fun in making it that easy for you? No, you are going to keep searching. Have fun! ~muahahahahahahaha~  
  
Snape: I REALLY hate that laugh.  
  
Bob: So do I.  
  
Kerstin: Not as much as I do!  
  
Bob: Speak for yourself! What do you know anyway? You have the I.Q. of a slug!  
  
Kerstin: Well, at least I HAVE an I.Q.  
  
(Bob and Kerstin continue their pathetic argument. Snape, about to put the charm on them as well, finds that his wand has somehow made its way into Legolas' hands. Our heroes begin walking again as Snape is yelling furiously at Legolas, and Bob and Kerstin argue. Stephanie shakes her head. This was going to be a loooong journey.) 


End file.
